How Much is that Creature in the Window?
by BountyRai
Summary: For Snape and Lupin fans! Or fans that like Snape-Lupin conflict (not slash)! Lupin gives Snape a kitten for his birthday, but it ends up distroying his wolfsbane potion. Snape sends Lupin to the forest to get ingredients with his kitten. Review!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** **For Lupin fans and Snape fans! And fans that like Snape and Lupin conflict!** Not slash you little sick-o. Somehow I've become inspired to write Snape and Lupin fics again, which is good because I love the attention. The beginning is mostly Snape, but as you get along it's more Lupin, so there's a healthy dose of each. I hate chapters, because no one ever posts the endings, but I did! The only reason I use chapters is because I think everyone needs a break…and the fic is long. It's for your sanity and mine. Enjoy! 

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Harry Potter. It's J.K. Rowlings.

How Much is that Creature in the Window?

1st Chapter out of 2:

Snape sighed as he watched the students pour into his classroom. Harry Potter was one of them…again. How unfortunate. He might have felt better if he was teaching the Defense Against Dark Arts class, but as usual, Dumbledore hired the most incapable person around. His name? Professor Lupin.

            Snape's hands got into a tighter fist as he remembered Dumbledore's conversation…

"You hired _Lupin_?!" Snape scoffed.

"Well, yes! He's very good with animals…and he has great potential!" Dumbledore said with a good-natured chuckle.

"He's only good with animals because he _is one._" Snape replied blandly.

"Oh now Severus, you shouldn't be so hard on him, he needs the work! I know I promised you the Dark Arts position this year, but it just didn't work out like I planned. Maybe next year." Dumbledore folded his wool socks, which meant that the conversation was over.

            Snape looked at the eager faces of the fifth year children. They were sweaty faces. He smirked. "Well, well, well. Another year of my class…I suspect that you all have caught up with some potions reading, haven't we?" Hermione seemed like the only calm one at this remark. Go figure. "Mr. Potter! Sit up straight I want to see your face not your scar! 5 points from Gryffindor!" The Slytherins laughed, but the Gryffindors rolled their eyes in unison. Another year of Snape…

            A bang came at the chamber door. Everyone immediately glanced at it. Snape became annoyed. "No one interrupts my class…" he muttered as he hovered to it. As he opened it he was taken aback. 

"Happy Birthday, Severus!" Lupin said with a smile. The fifth year children smiled brightly amongst the cold dark classroom. Lupin came back!

"M-my birthday?" Snape replied a little confused. "How the bloody hell did you know?"

Lupin ignored his question and inquired, "So how old are you? I'd say about 38."

"35." Snape said in a deadly tone.

"Um, whatever." Lupin replied with shifty eyes. "My there are a lot of familiar faces here. Guess Professor Snape isn't working you guys too hard if I can make them out." 

Snape took the birthday cake and small present from Lupin's arms. "Goodbye Lupin." Snape shoved him towards the door.

"Hey-Severus, not so hard-wait!" The door slammed.

Severus turned around to 30 starring faces. "Well? Don't just stay there looking stupid get your quills out! You're making an Invisibility potion, and if you did your reading then you'd know how to make one." Everyone crowded towards Hermione. Go figure.

            Snape walked calmly to the back of the room with his present and cake. Strange tradition making cakes on birthdays. Must be a muggle thing. He looked at the box with wild red ribbon and scoffed. "I deserve a present. That damn werewolf took my class from me." But even in his reasoning, he felt a bit guilty. He pushed his thoughts aside and reached for the cake…yummmm cake…

            "Message for Professor Snape awaiting!" cried the shining screen. Snape rolled his eyes. "Who the bloody hell is it this time?" Snape never liked muggle creations, but Dumbledore insisted on it because he liked getting, what is it called? E-mail. "Message for Professor Snape awaiting!" 

"I heard you the bloody well first time!" Snape said irritably as he clicked around wildly to find the button to make it shut up.

Professor Snape:

            Happy Birthday again! I just wanted to tell you that you should open your present immediately incase it suffocates. You shoved me out of the door so suddenly I didn't have time to explain! Have a great day! ^ v ^

                                                                                    Professor Lupin

"Just what the hell did he get me?!" Snape picked up the package gently and heard a small explosion in the classroom. He rolled his eyes and took the package with him. 

"Who is too _stupid_ this time to take directions?!" Snape boomed as he walked into the classroom. A very apologetic Neville smiled sheepishly. Snape sighed. 

"Mew!" a high-pitched voice sputtered out of Snape's clothing. Snape looked down at his robe. The children looked at him confused.

"Mew!"

Snape raised his eyebrows as he picked up the package. "Draco, open this…" Snape put it down in front of Draco.

"But Professor-" Draco wasn't one to go inquiring through unknown living things in packages ready to do who knows what.

"Draco…" Snape starred at it. Draco sighed and unwrapped the lightly colored paper. Just as he did he had a sneer on his face. "Some present."

A little kitten hopped out of the box with a red collar around it's neck reading "Happy Birthday! My name is Unk."

"Unk?! Where did you come from the Planet of the Apes?"

 The cat mewed and nuzzled Draco's hand. The Gryffindors laughed just as the bell for the next class rang. The students got up quickly and swiftly, and Professor Snape was left with one mewing Unk.

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            Snape shoved Unk in his pocket during lunch. It mewed unmercifully. "Oh shut up!" He muttered as he made his way for Lupin's classroom. Occasionally a little kitten cry omitted from the depths of Snape's pocket, but he paid no heed. The door to Lupin's classroom was wide open and Lupin seemed to be putting a creature away.

"What is the meaning of giving me this animal?!" Snape shouted at the now-startled professor.

"Oh, it's you Severus." Lupin turned around and saw Snape's red face holding the kitten by the tail. "Me and the staff thought it would be a good idea to give you something…uh…" Snape looked at him with angry raised eyebrows. "That is…you don't like Unk?" Unk's large kitty blue eyes gazed into Snape's.

"No. Unk is dirty."  
"Unk is not dirty!"

"I hate pets."

"Fine then, I'll take her back."

Unk snuggled against Snape's arm. He looked down at her soft tiger fur.

"Oh it all! The deed is done I might as well take care of the wretched thing!" Snape scooped up Unk into his pocket and hovered to the door. But before he left he added: "Next time don't bother getting me anything." And slammed the door. Lupin smiled widely and got ready for his next class.

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"Professor Lupin, sir?" Hermione raised her hand, "Why would you ever give any living creature for Professor Snape to take care of?" Several kids had heard the rumor.

"Well Hermione…" Lupin rubbed the back of his neck. "Severus isn't the _nicest_ of people…and we thought that it might soften him up a bit."

"But he'll kill her!" Ron spurted out with wide eyes.

"Oh come now, Ron. I don't think that Severus is _that_ heartless." The students looked at each other unsure. The bell rung. School is over and dinner is served!

"Professor, can you sit by Professor Snape…you know, just to make sure?" Hermione the cat lover said with concern. Lupin sighed. "Of course, Hermione."

            Lupin walked to the vacant seat next to Snape. Unk was beside his plate lying on her side. "Well, Severus, seems like Unk is attached to you."

"The little diseased fleabag wont leave me alone." 

"I guess you'll have to feed her here, huh? No cat food around." Lupin smiled. Snape looked at Lupin and grabbed a greasy chicken leg and set it on the plate with a bang of silverware. "Guess so." Unk smelled the chicken and pounced on the chicken engrossed with grease. Lupin looked at the food unsure.

"Uh, Severus…Unk is still a kitten, I don't know but maybe it's _unhealthy_ for her at this time…"

Snape gave Lupin a dull look. "Is Unk you're pet? I think I know what's best for my Unk." Unk started to eat the potato salad off Lupin's plate. Dumbledore chuckled as he saw the happy little kitten.

"Isn't she darling, Severus?" Dumbledore asked. "I named her myself."

Severus smiled sarcastically. "I never would have guessed."

Lupin starred at his plate as Unk rolled around in his mashed potatoes. He shook his head and could have sworn he heard Snape say: "Good, Unk."

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             "Um, Professor Snape?" A fifth year whined. "Your kitten is clawing my homework." Snape turned around and saw Unk in a pile of paper shards. A Gryffindor.

"5 house points will be removed for endangering Unk to choke on a piece of paper. Now if the rest of you will hand up your homework to the front we'll begin to-" Snape was interrupted by a series of hard and eager knocks at the dungeon door. He sighed and walked impatiently to it. Just as he thought. Lupin again. 

"You don't seem to note my _annoyance_ when you interrupt-"

"Where's Unk!?" Lupin said just as eager as his knocking. He moved around the desks to go get the small kitten. Snape looked furious. 

"Just what do you _think you are doing_?" Snape said with controlled fury. He followed Lupin to the desk that guarded Unk.

"Class is over everyone! Go back to your dorms!" Lupin stated to the students.

"Now _listen_ here-" Snape scoffed at the sandy-blonde professor.

"Severus, calm down now there has been a terrible mistake-" Lupin picked up Unk in his arms. 

"I damn sure know that's right." Snape grabbed his kitten from Lupin. The fifth year students were still too shocked and interested to leave towards their dorms.

"Severus, _please_, Unk is dangerous!" Lupin tried to explain. He looked at his watch. "Quickly, Severus drop Unk!"

"Huh? Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!" Unk seemed to be growing bigger into a full-bodied long tiger. The students screamed and got on top of their desks. Lupin jumped on Snape's desk along with him. Unk prowled around and gave a mighty roar.

"YOU GAVE ME A _CHANGELING?!?!?!?_" Snape screamed over Unk's mighty roar.

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO!!! I BOUGHT IT FROM HAGRID!!!"

"HAGRID THINKS DRAGONS ARE MISUNDERSTOOD!!!" Unk seemed to take an interest to the small potions that sat on the counter. Lupin's eyes opened widely.

"Is that my wolfsbane potion there?!? No Unk I need it tomorrow night!!! Down Unk!!!" But it was too late. Unk's tail crashed into the cauldron and the black fluid spilled all over the floor. The potion was wasted.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Snape screamed high-pitched as Unk crashed every potion it could get its little paws on. "DO SOMETHING, REMUS!!!"

"LIKE WHAT?!?" Lupin yelled back.

"YOU TEACH DARK ARTS FOR GOD'S SAKES!!!"

Lupin cooled his head and remembered a spell. "_Tramaious unious_!" Unk slowly started to grow back into a little kitten again. The children still in shock, starred at Lupin wide-eyed standing on their desks. Unk mewed. Then the bell rang. Students slowly got off their desks and got their things together. Only Lupin and Snape remained with the ever-so-troublesome kitten. Lupin decided to break the silence.

"Heh, heh, heh…guess you never suspected that…"

"You have ten seconds to get out of my lair before you never see the light of day again." Snape said as he looked at all the broken cauldrons.

"Gotcha." Lupin ran for the door. Unk mewed.

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            "This isn't good, Lupin." Dumbledore said to him with a face full of worry. "Without that potion, you can put the children and ourselves in extreme danger." Lupin sighed. He knew perfectly well what it meant.

"Yes I know, Headmaster. It was a very unfortunate accident. If only I had known earlier that Unk was a changeling then maybe none of this would have happened."

"Maybe, maybe not." Dumbledore replied sipping his tea. "Perhaps Severus can find a way to help you during your transformation." 

"Severus isn't willing to talk to me at the moment." Lupin said rolling his eyes. Dumbledore chuckled.

"Why ever not?" Dumbledore asked Lupin.

Lupin looked at Dumbledore like a crazy old man. "Are-are you kidding? I just-never mind." Dumbledore smiled good-naturedly and Lupin walked out the door. Once again he'd have to face a very angry Severus Snape.

"Morning, Severus!" Lupin opened the door a little uneasily. He was surrounded by total darkness. He slowly slipped through the dungeon door and as his eyes adjusted to the blackness he saw a quick figure moving from one point of the room to another. It was Snape. "Uh, Severus…I was talking to the Headmaster…and as you know I'm going to change into a werewolf tonight…"

"I am perfectly aware of your problems, Remus." Snape said in a cold sneer. "Maybe the Headmaster will realize this time that you aren't fit to be here."

"Severus, I know you're angry…but right now we don't have time. I have to find a substitution for that potion." Lupin said firmly. Snape turned around and folded his black robe over himself. 

"I know of one such potion…but the ingredients are extremely difficult to find. But it's the only way." His face lowered and all Lupin could see was the sharp glow of his eyes. "Only you are to have one condition. Take Unk with you."

"OW, UNK!!! Argh!!! Poison grass!!!" Lupin stumbled on the way to the enchanted forest with Unk happily digging into his leg. He whined and looked up at the morning sun. "Why me?"

"Hey ther' Professor Lup'n" Hagrid greeted him with a hearty smile. "What cha got ther'? Ah, is little Unk. Did Professor Snape like 'er?" Lupin's weary look may have given it away, but Hagrid got to the right conclusion. "That bad, eh? No matter, who can be mad at Unk fer long?" Unk mewed cutely, still on Lupin's leg. 

"Can we get this over with, please?" Lupin said in a little boy voice.

"Sure thing, Professor. Where's the list ya 'ave?" Lupin handed the list to Hagrid, hoping that he might at least know a safe place to find these things. "Hmm…oh…heh…well, ya got quite a hunt in front of yer." Lupin tried to pull Unk off his leg, unsuccessful. She was as unseparateable as a pizza at a weight watchers convention. "Well, un ya go. I guess Unk will keep yer company."

"But can't you lend me Fang?" Lupin begged.

"Fang is sleeping at the moment, and you don't want ter wake 'im." Hagrid said in a low whisper. Whatever.

Lupin sighed as he entered the woods. His first item was flab grass. He shivered. The woods were even dark in the morning. "Look at it this way…you wont have to worry about werewolves…" Lupin kept talking to himself just to hear a human voice. "And you do have Unk with you…I guess that's some form of protection…" Unk meowed in recognition. "Aw who am I kidding? I'll be lucky if I get out of here alive. Hey, a mushroom." Lupin being smart, decided not to touch it with his bare hands. He picked up a piece of cloth from his bag, tore the object from the ground and read from his list. "One giant black mushroom. P.S. It's black." He rolled his eyes. Severus obviously wasn't in a good mood when he wrote this. "One item down, four more to go." Just then he heard rustling in the nearby bushes. All his joints froze and his breathing became quick. "Come on, Remus, you're a Dark Arts teacher… I forgot my wand." In his hurry he wasn't thinking. The rustling sounded as if it was coming towards him. Lupin shook wildly. It could be anything: a werewolf, a centaur, a giant spider, a unicorn…a bunny? "What the?!" He fell back in surprise. Unk let go of his leg and trotted towards the little creature. "What are you doing here, little fella? You stay in here long enough you're going to be as much monster food as I am. Come on Unk, stop pawing the bunny." Lupin looked at the list once more. He still needed that flab grass…

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A/N: There you go, first chapter. If you like what you saw then go to the second one.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: There we are, this is the ending. Give yourself a pat on the back for making through the first part. This is more serious action and more Lupin-oriented (and a heck of a lot shorter!). However, Snape will be at the end. No worries ;)

                                                How Much is that Creature in the Window?

Chapter 2 of 2:

            Lupin was not a happy camper. He spent half the day looking for five horribly hard items to find for his new potion and he had only found one. He looked at his watch. Four hours until transformation. Not to mention he was extremely uncomfortable, having stepped into itching plants, devil's burrs, fire lilies, and basically everything that the enchanted forest had to offer. Unk seemed happy enough. For all she knew she was just getting a very long walk. Lupin groaned.

"Where in this forest am I ever going to find flab grass…"

"You're looking in the wrong place, im afraid." 

He froze. It was getting darker and he couldn't see five feet in front of him. The voice chuckled soothingly, he guessed it was female. 

"What brings you here, stranger? Guessing from all those marks and bruises you're not used to the wild forest." A healthy purr sound moved towards and above him. "I see you have a changeling."

Lupin decided to be cautious. Whoever was speaking to him knew the forest, and therefore they had the advantage since he was obviously on their territory. "What's your name, creature?"

"In your human tongue it would be Olivia." The voice remarked in a friendly hiss. "Why are you here? It's going to be after dark and soon the real threatening animals will be after your fleshy hide."

"Not if I can help it."

"I could help you…but for a slight price."

"And what would that be?" Lupin remarked, still a bit skeptical.

"I want your changeling. My cubs were killed at an early age, and I have no offspring." A tremendous thump shook the earth below Lupin as he saw a dark cat-like creature walking towards him. He sighed.

"It's just as well."

"Come, this is place is dangerous even for me. What do you need to find?"

Lupin flustered for his parchment paper with the sacred ingredients. He read aloud as they walked silently north. "Flab grass, snow flower, wolf claw, and raven feather."

"The wolf claw should probably be our first destination." Olivia whispered. "There is a pack near here. No doubt they probably have been fighting and one lost a claw somehow." Olivia stopped. "Get on your knees, human." She was a rather large black animal; he would think that she was a panther of some sort. He caught a glimpse of her large white claws, and was deathly thankful she was on his side. "Quiet now, they are among us." Lupin tried to breathe as silently as he could. Olivia itched forward to a patch of clear forest. 

"Olivia…" Lupin whispered despite her warning. "There is a claw…over there…" He extended his arm and pointed. Unk, being in Lupin's pocket, hopped out and mewed. Olivia turned around to look at the changeling but then four wolves suddenly jumped on top of her. Grunts and roars could be heard from every direction. Lupin, adrenaline rushing, got up from the woodsy floor and ran for the claw. Olivia shook off one wolf and it spotted him. 

"NO! DON'T MOVE!" Olivia shouted before she went under with the wolf pack. But it was too late. 

He picked up the claw and was face to face with a full-pledged wolf. It growled with such assertion he thought he was going to die. He saw it's bloody teeth go for his head and he closed his eyes. Nothing happened.

Unk jumped in the wolf's way with its massive tiger-like body. Lupin opened his eyes to find the huge Unk and Olivia the only animals standing.

"You fool. You would have been killed! Where would that have gotten you? You're lucky the changeling decided to save your life." Olivia sneered annoyed. Unk licked her paw. All three of them moved through the trees silently. He wanted to ask where they were going, but then decided at this point it didn't matter. What time is it? Three hours until transformation. Plus Severus had to prepare it. That gave him a good two hours. 

"Flab grass and snow flower over there." Olivia said tiredly. He guessed she was in a better mood. Oh how stupid he was! How could he have thought that he could outrun a wolf? He chopped some grass and a flower with his unwounded hand and put it in the bag with the mushroom and claw.

"That only leaves the raven feather." Lupin said with a sigh. Olivia laughed as though that comment somehow amused her.

"You're on your own there. Ravens can be quite moody when disturbed. I'm pretty sure there is a nest somewhere near where you came in."

Lupin raised his eyebrows. "You were following me?" Olivia had on a smug expression.

"I was going to eat you, but then you were such a pathetic sight to see stumbling over everything in the forest. I must say I had a hard time keeping myself from laughing when you yelled at that biting bunny." 

Lupin rubbed his rear, remembering. Soon after Olivia was there, she was gone. Light poured into his eyes, and he wasn't the least bit surprised when he couldn't find Unk around. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Did you get the ingredients Remus, or did you fail and are going to kill us all." Snape said setting up his equipment. He turned around to see Lupin full of dirt, blood, and tearing all over his clothes. "Good god what happened to you?" Snape remarked as he noted the little puddles of mud flourishing on his floor.

"It's all there. And I got attacked." Lupin handed Snape the contents in the bag. Snape looked through them and surveyed them carefully for flaws.

"Well, you've managed not to mess up this time, Remus. Which is a surprise to us all." Snape threw the mushroom into the boiling cauldron. 

"Hey, Severus, Unk is taken care of. She's gone with someone who can…deal with her." Lupin rubbed the back of his neck, which was caked with mud. 

"Do me a favor and get rid of your awful stench."

Lupin smirked. "Yeah, I'm going to miss her too."

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                                                                        The End.

A/N: Ta da! Tis the end. Review. 


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